Image Credits: Shelly Perry
There are a couple of facts that we would all be better off accepting. There is no such thing as running away from pain and suffering — we only trade in one unpleasantry for another. And two, the only way to be happy is to view certain unpleasantries as a form of pleasantness — not all, as some situations are horrible no matter how you look at them. But because we cannot escape feeling uncomfortable indefinitely, we have to figure out a way of not taking uncomfortability, pain, suffering, sadness, to mean unhappiness.
As many of you I’m sure have come to accept the fact that we’re both designed and destined to work our way between one problem and the next, living a life you can be proud of comes down to simply accepting that things are never going to be just the way you want them to be, and accepting that the only happiness to be found is in finding solutions to the problems that will endlessly present themselves. That’s right. The only way to be happy is to work on fixing the problems you have. However, it’s not in the solution to those problems that you’ll find peace and content in, but in the work that it takes to come up with the solutions.
Everyone has problems.
They range from small and insignificant, to grand and debilitating. Being hungry or thirsty is a problem. Craving drugs and/or alcohol is a problem. Meeting a girl that isn’t head over heels for you from the start, is a problem. Figuring out how to make her fall in love with you, is a problem. Figuring out how to pay rent is a problem. Figuring out how to cover medical bills is a problem. Figuring out a way to afford the insurance that’s meant to pay for your medical bills, is a problem.
The only thing I can promise you is that you will never, ever, ever run out of problems. Accept it. Think about it for a bit if you have to, but then accept it. Even if you were to start living your dream life, you’d still have problems. Maybe better problems, but problems nonetheless. More importantly, and this one is usually the hardest for people to wrap their minds around, we like problems.
We hate them, but as soon as we overcome them, we love where they brought us. Problems, and finding it in ourselves to overcome them, are what make us better people. They’re what make us happy. But it’s more than just that. Take a second to imagine your life with no problems whatsoever. What would you do? You can tell yourself that you’d travel the world, that you’d have the time of your life, that you’d finally be at peace with yourself, finally be happy. Problem is that the future you’re dreaming of is an impossibility. No problems isn’t an option; it’s not on the menu. Human beings create problems where problems cannot be found. It’s in our DNA.
The way you approach, understand, accept and work on, or deny your problems, defines who you are as a person. It quite literally defines you as it defines the way you look at and live your life. The better you are at perceiving and solving your problems, the better off you will be in life. And I’m not even talking about the fact that the best paid individuals in the world are only paid as much as they’re paid because they solve problems the way they do — which is true.
I’m talking about the fact that the best romantic/life partners in the world, are those that can avoid getting drowned by their problems, and push themselves to work on coming up and implementing solutions. It’s these people, and only these people, that can be said to be happy. Not infinitely happy, because there is no such thing. But, they’re happy regularly enough to be worth keeping in your life.
Both men and women are complicated beings. However, the former — let’s be honest — have had it much easier in life. Men have always had it easier. Sure, their dreams and aspirations more often than not ended up being their undoing — being given too many opportunities in life has had the opposite effect of making men believe they wouldn’t need to overcome their problems themselves. Or rather, inflated their egos so much that they assumed they’d be able to overcome anything that comes their way with ease — which turns out isn’t always the case.
There are a lot of men out there (and don’t get me wrong, plenty of women) that don’t understand that overcoming the problems they face in life is what life’s all about. Again, in case you’ve forgotten, problems are unavoidable. You can’t hide or run from them forever, because they will find you and run you down. If you can’t ignore your problems forever, you either have to fix them, or fall victim to them.
Men need problems in their life to be happy.
That is always the case. Now ladies, don’t take this as a green light to drive your man nuts. What you have to understand is that you’re already a headache. Don’t get offended. Being in a relationship, for most men at least, is already difficult. And if it’s difficult, it can easily be interpreted as an unpleasantry. Love can be very unpleasant. But it can likewise be magical.
In fact, it’s overcoming the unpleasantries that allows true love to form. If your relationship is too perfect, then it isn’t real. It’s just not. One or both of you is allowing yourself to be ignorant to some fact(s). It’s having to work for something, work towards something — a common dream or hope — that makes love worth it all. It’s the problems that being in a relationship create, that make the whole thing worthwhile.
Again, this is not to say that you ought to create problems — I know some girls seem to take pleasure in such activities. Problems present themselves regardless. You don’t need to push the envelope any further. At the same time, however, you can’t make things too easy for him. Why? Because the only way you can be making it easy for him, is if you’re making it difficult for yourself.
You’re pretending that the problems you’re feeling don’t exist. So while he’s ignorant to the fact that there’s a problem, you’re in the trenches. This won’t work out well for you guys. You’ll eventually crack and the whole thing will blow up in both of your faces. So then what the hell are you supposed to do?
You’re supposed to be an adult. When there’s a problem, speak your mind. Don’t blow things out of proportion, but be honest with yourself and with him. Don’t create issues where there aren’t any, and you’d be best to make sure that there really is a problem before sharing it, but when there is an issue, you need to deal with it together. Don’t give him everything he wants, because once you do, there won’t be anything left for him to want.
Don’t get into bed with him too quickly — unless you want to.
Don’t come over to ‘Netflix & chill’ — make him take you out on a proper date. Don’t chase him down all the time — let him do some chasing himself. Love is the answer. It’s the solution. However, you can’t come to a solution unless you first have a problem to solve. Give him the right problems, the little problems that keep you on his mind, that make him want to work for it, want to impress you, want to make you happy, and he’ll be there for you. Give him everything, and he’ll lose interest in you. Give him too many problems, and he’ll run for the hills. It’s a delicate matter for sure, but no one said love was easy.